Finals week is upon us, like a mighty hawk upon a tiny mousey, or the possibly rabid raccoon upon our garbage bin in the back of the house.
LEEEROYYYYYYY JENNNKINS
This is these guys playing this game, and the other guy yells, and...I can't really explain it well, it's just too funny. There is really nothing better than World of Warcraft nerds getting overexcited about life. I like to imagine what it looks like, and then I laugh and laugh and laugh.
Live action Leroy Jenkins
Once you watch the first one, watch this. It is hilarious. Note: this is similar to LARP, for you freaks in the Butts.
More Leroy Live
Oh, and watch this one too.
HOW MUST I PREPARE, YOU MUST ASK YOURSELF. SHOULD I GOT TO AFRICA?
I count this guy as my life coach for three moments during my day. 1) Before rugby games. 2)Before I babysit. 3)Before sex. Obvs. But one thing about the guys talking about how your boy, the Ultimate Warrior, is so "crazy" or "disturbed." Can you really talk smack about anyone when you have one of those little cartoon badguy mustaches, the kind that is only worn by the guy who ties down the blondie girl onto the train tracks? Apparently yes, yes you can.
AI Preaches the truth
Sometimes, you just don't want to go to mothafuckin practice. Sometimes people yell at you for that. Sometimes you actually do go to practice. It's a complex world out there.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Thursday, May 3, 2007
KICKBAWLLLLLLLLL
BROS: We're playing keg kickball today, a battle, a final showdown if you will, between WesRugby and Old Methodist Rugby Football Club (Wesleyan's "other" rugby team, aka the boys). I will wear my finest spandex.
For all of your historical reenactments...
Click here to buy such important items as 18th century shirts, sock suspenders, and everything else a (gentle)man's heart could desire. Oh, and before you ask--yes, they do sell top hats, but I'm not entirely convinced that mesh undershirts are "a traditional British undergarment," unless by traditional they are referring to...something gay (or Jersey Shore, but that's New Jersey, not the olde Jersey from across the pond) that I can't think of.
Gladiator news!!!
If there's one thing I love, it's sweet fucking Gladiators. They just discovered a gladiator graveyard in Turkey. How incredibly awesome.
For all of your historical reenactments...
Click here to buy such important items as 18th century shirts, sock suspenders, and everything else a (gentle)man's heart could desire. Oh, and before you ask--yes, they do sell top hats, but I'm not entirely convinced that mesh undershirts are "a traditional British undergarment," unless by traditional they are referring to...something gay (or Jersey Shore, but that's New Jersey, not the olde Jersey from across the pond) that I can't think of.
Gladiator news!!!
If there's one thing I love, it's sweet fucking Gladiators. They just discovered a gladiator graveyard in Turkey. How incredibly awesome.
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
If you Olin like a champ...
Go on write that paper...off...ah fuck it.
OMG GIRLLLL NO YOU DID NOT
OK as you may or may not know, I love Rich Eisen. He's like the hot dad your best friend never had. Anyway, this girl wanted to send him some hot pictures of her in a bikini, but she sent it to the email address that he shares with wifey! What a merry mix up!!!!!!!! This reminds me of the time I sent an email to Julia telling her what a whore Lindsey is but then I sent it to contact@thenotebookgirls.com, instead of jbaskin@Washu.edu, and now Lindsey and I don't speak anymore. Good times. Here's Rich's story.
My dad is going to go nuts over this
If anyone knows their Komedy with a capital K, they know that anything+a monkey equals funny (unless it's a vast spreading virus, in which case you just get what happened in Outbreak, and that shit was not funny). And now, for your viewing pleasure, here is a monkey riding on the back of a dog. You may die now.
OMG GIRLLLL NO YOU DID NOT
OK as you may or may not know, I love Rich Eisen. He's like the hot dad your best friend never had. Anyway, this girl wanted to send him some hot pictures of her in a bikini, but she sent it to the email address that he shares with wifey! What a merry mix up!!!!!!!! This reminds me of the time I sent an email to Julia telling her what a whore Lindsey is but then I sent it to contact@thenotebookgirls.com, instead of jbaskin@Washu.edu, and now Lindsey and I don't speak anymore. Good times. Here's Rich's story.
My dad is going to go nuts over this
If anyone knows their Komedy with a capital K, they know that anything+a monkey equals funny (unless it's a vast spreading virus, in which case you just get what happened in Outbreak, and that shit was not funny). And now, for your viewing pleasure, here is a monkey riding on the back of a dog. You may die now.
Monday, April 30, 2007
End of Claremont
Claremont is closing, the place we all learned to ride and not get bucked off bratty ponies. I rode there for years, was a camp counselor there for years, and countless Upper West Side children spent summer afternoons watching the horses. There isn't much to say except that this is incredibly sad.
Read more about it here and here.
Read more about it here and here.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
Videos your ex boyfriend sends you why sir?
Because you'd go on for hours/represent the crushing reality of your life, we'd all go on for hours/represent the crushing reality of our lives together...
See how rugby songs just get you through the hard times? Or at least provide you with an environment (natty light keg) in which to forget your sorrows (blackout and then drunk text message the multiple people in your phone labeled DO NOT TEXT)? Nice. Let's commence.
Great Try
Normally I wouldn't want to post this, because it's a try being scored against All Blacks, but it's pretty good. James sent this to me, and somehow everyone in the clip (1973 game) looks exactly like Dan Crossley. Coincidence? OR DID I JUST BLOW YOUR FUCKING MIND?!?!?!!!?!?!?!
Lax pump you up video
This is a parody of James's high school lax coach, Coach Dbro. I've never seen this person in real life, but I still think this video is hilarious. So before I take a trip to negative town on how depressing this whole post is, here's the video!!! Yay Smile!!!!
PS I just watched it again and results are in. It's actually not that funny--there are really funny lines about Iraq and horses, but also a lot of long scenes of Dbro hacking away at a punching bag with an axe.
One of the results for google image search "Sophie Pollitt-Cohen"
I swear to God I did not make this up.
See how rugby songs just get you through the hard times? Or at least provide you with an environment (natty light keg) in which to forget your sorrows (blackout and then drunk text message the multiple people in your phone labeled DO NOT TEXT)? Nice. Let's commence.
Great Try
Normally I wouldn't want to post this, because it's a try being scored against All Blacks, but it's pretty good. James sent this to me, and somehow everyone in the clip (1973 game) looks exactly like Dan Crossley. Coincidence? OR DID I JUST BLOW YOUR FUCKING MIND?!?!?!!!?!?!?!
Lax pump you up video
This is a parody of James's high school lax coach, Coach Dbro. I've never seen this person in real life, but I still think this video is hilarious. So before I take a trip to negative town on how depressing this whole post is, here's the video!!! Yay Smile!!!!
PS I just watched it again and results are in. It's actually not that funny--there are really funny lines about Iraq and horses, but also a lot of long scenes of Dbro hacking away at a punching bag with an axe.
One of the results for google image search "Sophie Pollitt-Cohen"
I swear to God I did not make this up.
Sunday, April 22, 2007
They have rugby AND shopping?! Are you kidding me?!?!!!
And where is that thing that combines the exclamation point with the question mark when you need it?!!?
This weekend was Beast of the East, a schweet rugby tournament we went to. They even had a store full of things to buy!!!!! Old Meth (our men's team) went there too, and there is really nothing more lovely than having all of them sitting four feet away from you (love being a wing and guarding my sidelines) when you tackle someone and get up and realize you're only wearing one cleat. Because that makes you look like you play some badass rugby because you're a badass team, right? Oh, what? It makes me look like a freak who somehow is always losing articles of clothing during rugby for reasons I still CAN'T understand (re: Carter trying to back tackle me while some of Old Meth was watching our drill except she only succeeded in pulling my shorts off)? I see. Good to know. Anyway, on to things that aren't completely mind-numbingly depressing...
Will Ferrell Short
This is hilarious, but because I'm too busy having a "life," (insert your own one here, I can't possibly care about this joke right now), everyone has probably seen it already. Whatever.
The most awesome photo ever
Enough said.
Take that, Soccer players
You may be ridiculously athletic and amazing to watch, but you cry like weak little babies. Tiny, tiny tears.
This weekend was Beast of the East, a schweet rugby tournament we went to. They even had a store full of things to buy!!!!! Old Meth (our men's team) went there too, and there is really nothing more lovely than having all of them sitting four feet away from you (love being a wing and guarding my sidelines) when you tackle someone and get up and realize you're only wearing one cleat. Because that makes you look like you play some badass rugby because you're a badass team, right? Oh, what? It makes me look like a freak who somehow is always losing articles of clothing during rugby for reasons I still CAN'T understand (re: Carter trying to back tackle me while some of Old Meth was watching our drill except she only succeeded in pulling my shorts off)? I see. Good to know. Anyway, on to things that aren't completely mind-numbingly depressing...
Will Ferrell Short
This is hilarious, but because I'm too busy having a "life," (insert your own one here, I can't possibly care about this joke right now), everyone has probably seen it already. Whatever.
The most awesome photo ever
Enough said.
Take that, Soccer players
You may be ridiculously athletic and amazing to watch, but you cry like weak little babies. Tiny, tiny tears.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Cause he's only got 12 men...
While you couldn't play rugby (I hurt my arm through a harrowing combination of Will Duncan/drinkup related injury and tackling an enormous beast of a woman at the Le Babson game)...
Gay Slap
This gem is from Lindsey. She's taken Gay+Soccer to a whole new level, and the bitch works it, owns it, loves it.
Old British Men Rugby Song
If every word in that sentence didn't make you want to click this link, I don't know what's wrong with you. I can't really understand what they're saying, though. Something about bollox and apple up my arse. It's great.
Shocking cats
I actually almost shat on the floor of Olin when I saw this. That would have been crazy!
Mystery animal attacks child
Insert lame celebrity joke here. Was it Nicole Richie hunting for nutrition? (Babies are high in iron). Fuck it. I hate this place.
Sometimes elk try to fight but then their horns get stuck together.
Hilarity ensues!
Great photos
This isn't particularly funny, nor is it supposed to be--unless turn of the century depressing sepia pictures of Indians being forced west is your kind of Komedy (capital K), in which case let the games begin.
Gay Slap
This gem is from Lindsey. She's taken Gay+Soccer to a whole new level, and the bitch works it, owns it, loves it.
Old British Men Rugby Song
If every word in that sentence didn't make you want to click this link, I don't know what's wrong with you. I can't really understand what they're saying, though. Something about bollox and apple up my arse. It's great.
Shocking cats
I actually almost shat on the floor of Olin when I saw this. That would have been crazy!
Mystery animal attacks child
Insert lame celebrity joke here. Was it Nicole Richie hunting for nutrition? (Babies are high in iron). Fuck it. I hate this place.
Sometimes elk try to fight but then their horns get stuck together.
Hilarity ensues!
Great photos
This isn't particularly funny, nor is it supposed to be--unless turn of the century depressing sepia pictures of Indians being forced west is your kind of Komedy (capital K), in which case let the games begin.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Barnight in T minus...a day
Wow, 344 and its associates are just getting so excited for barnight. We actually start preparing on Sunday, and in no way is that depressing.
Odyssey in 10 seconds
My Greek Myths professor sent this to the class. You know some kids are just going to watch this instead of reading the 406 page book and think they can do well on the test. And I know who they are.
Another Odyssey
The Odyseey and The Simpsons? In one video? WHAAAA?!
The Posh Lifestyle
These kids are adorable, and the video combines everything I love—boys (almost the right age, God how I have stooped so low in my life of solitude), British accents (cocknier the better), soccer, and Posh Spice. You know I love me some of that crazy robot, she’s got alien boobies, is covered in diamonds and I can’t get enough. I also enjoy seeing her take a soccer ball (footbooool) to the stomach.
Apache
I can’t tell if I love this or hate this or am just cringing because I’m so disturbed…either way, I’m feeling something.
Kaylyn Taylor Orr
Notebook Girls have a lot of facebook friends we don’t exactly “know.” But I do look at all their photo albums, especially this one girl named Kaylyn Taylor Orr, because her profile is just so rich and full of exclamation points. She’s from Kentucky. Here is a short selection of her "about me, "a greatest hits of her profile, if you will.
-She wants to be a Victoria’s secret model when she grows up!
-God is her number one passion
-Her all-time favorite season is Winter!
-She prefers Rings over any other jewelry!
-She has a very close relationship with her parents!
-When she grows up, she wants to adopt a dog from the pet shelter and name it “Mina"! [sic]
Ok there is so much more, I will probably do a bunch of other entries on her, but I should really stop this before I get sued or just some really angry emails with a lot of exclamation points and smiley faces. Point being, here is a video she made for her high school club or team or something. She's the hot one.
Daily Dose of Sick Nasty
It’s going to be a good season.
WesRugby members: note the “I’m A Star” jump they seem to do during the haka. Clearly since we’re doing a similar warm-up we will be equally as hardcore.
Chris Jack Oldie But Goodie
The thing that is so great about Chris Jack is his candor and honesty re: the powerful sport of rugby. He tells it to you straight, he gets sore after games. You know why? Because there is a lot of running in rugby, and it makes you tired. Also, he gives you all the details about a trip abroad, like how he lost his mobile charger, and how the first thing he noticed about Wales was that it was cold. Also I just found out he is married, but really, has he seen this face aka the moneymaker? Yeah, Mrs. Jack can pack her fucking bags that’s for sure. Get out of town.
Can you handle his truth?
This guy reminds me so much of creepy guys at Fountain street parties who somehow engage you in really deep conversations that you just can’t get out of when secretly you’re getting really paranoid because he made you a drink and would you really let someone that talks like this make you a drink and why is his hand on your lower back I mean are you fucking kidding me, and what’s with the chain, you're from Greenwich you tool, and you’re not really sure if he’s going to kill you or just make out with you forcefully or what, but either way it will not be fun. Oh..that doesn’t happen to you? Yeah me either. I don’t even know what’s going on right now. Also he has a kid, that’s fucked up. Named Hayden. Even more fucked up.
Odyssey in 10 seconds
My Greek Myths professor sent this to the class. You know some kids are just going to watch this instead of reading the 406 page book and think they can do well on the test. And I know who they are.
Another Odyssey
The Odyseey and The Simpsons? In one video? WHAAAA?!
The Posh Lifestyle
These kids are adorable, and the video combines everything I love—boys (almost the right age, God how I have stooped so low in my life of solitude), British accents (cocknier the better), soccer, and Posh Spice. You know I love me some of that crazy robot, she’s got alien boobies, is covered in diamonds and I can’t get enough. I also enjoy seeing her take a soccer ball (footbooool) to the stomach.
Apache
I can’t tell if I love this or hate this or am just cringing because I’m so disturbed…either way, I’m feeling something.
Kaylyn Taylor Orr
Notebook Girls have a lot of facebook friends we don’t exactly “know.” But I do look at all their photo albums, especially this one girl named Kaylyn Taylor Orr, because her profile is just so rich and full of exclamation points. She’s from Kentucky. Here is a short selection of her "about me, "a greatest hits of her profile, if you will.
-She wants to be a Victoria’s secret model when she grows up!
-God is her number one passion
-Her all-time favorite season is Winter!
-She prefers Rings over any other jewelry!
-She has a very close relationship with her parents!
-When she grows up, she wants to adopt a dog from the pet shelter and name it “Mina"! [sic]
Ok there is so much more, I will probably do a bunch of other entries on her, but I should really stop this before I get sued or just some really angry emails with a lot of exclamation points and smiley faces. Point being, here is a video she made for her high school club or team or something. She's the hot one.
Daily Dose of Sick Nasty
It’s going to be a good season.
WesRugby members: note the “I’m A Star” jump they seem to do during the haka. Clearly since we’re doing a similar warm-up we will be equally as hardcore.
Chris Jack Oldie But Goodie
The thing that is so great about Chris Jack is his candor and honesty re: the powerful sport of rugby. He tells it to you straight, he gets sore after games. You know why? Because there is a lot of running in rugby, and it makes you tired. Also, he gives you all the details about a trip abroad, like how he lost his mobile charger, and how the first thing he noticed about Wales was that it was cold. Also I just found out he is married, but really, has he seen this face aka the moneymaker? Yeah, Mrs. Jack can pack her fucking bags that’s for sure. Get out of town.
Can you handle his truth?
This guy reminds me so much of creepy guys at Fountain street parties who somehow engage you in really deep conversations that you just can’t get out of when secretly you’re getting really paranoid because he made you a drink and would you really let someone that talks like this make you a drink and why is his hand on your lower back I mean are you fucking kidding me, and what’s with the chain, you're from Greenwich you tool, and you’re not really sure if he’s going to kill you or just make out with you forcefully or what, but either way it will not be fun. Oh..that doesn’t happen to you? Yeah me either. I don’t even know what’s going on right now. Also he has a kid, that’s fucked up. Named Hayden. Even more fucked up.
Friday, March 23, 2007
A few things about ancient gayness
1. So you know how I like to type "gay + ___" (usually soccer) into youtube and see what pops up (haiyo!)? And by "you" I guess I mean me, since apparently I'm the only person that reads this. Anyway, I do like to do that. And this clip I am about to present--a mashup of the trailer for the movie 300 and the song It's Raining Men--is very much like what would happen if I typed in "gay + soldier," "gay + ancient war," etc.
2. Why is it surprising to people that this is quite gay? Ancient Greece was quite possibly the gayest civilization of all time, and in all the best ways. There was even an army once made up entirely of gay couples, the theory being that you would never fight so strongly in battle than when you were protecting someone you loved. Good thinking! I kind of wished I lived back then, but instead of being a girl I would want to be a young prince with curly blonde locks and rippling muscles, a breaker of horses (I spent much of break reading The Odyssey).
3. This video is eerily reminiscent of the hakka, for everyone on Old Meth who is still denying they play a kind of homoerotic sport.
And here it is.
2. Why is it surprising to people that this is quite gay? Ancient Greece was quite possibly the gayest civilization of all time, and in all the best ways. There was even an army once made up entirely of gay couples, the theory being that you would never fight so strongly in battle than when you were protecting someone you loved. Good thinking! I kind of wished I lived back then, but instead of being a girl I would want to be a young prince with curly blonde locks and rippling muscles, a breaker of horses (I spent much of break reading The Odyssey).
3. This video is eerily reminiscent of the hakka, for everyone on Old Meth who is still denying they play a kind of homoerotic sport.
And here it is.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
"I mean who wouldn't want to buy a used car from a genie?"
While you were reminiscing about your old Notebook Girl days (and deciding you are not, in fact, washed up)...
Montgomery’s answer to Good Ole Tom’s.
At school there is this ad on TV all the time for Good Ole Tom’s. You can bring your gold down to Good Ole Tom, a kind, elderly gentleman with a love of gold and giving out cash for it, and he’ll give you money. So come on down! Bring your friends, bring your kin.
Anyway, this ad is sort of Montgomery’s younger, blacker version of that, meets The Cha Cha Slide and Jump On It. Hilarity ensues.
Continuing our tour de Eurotrash music videos
When I was living with a host family in Italy, my host brother and I spent most of the day watching MTV Europe. This girl, Jentina, was all over TRL Roma. She even performed this song you’re about to see on TRL Roma, and she was wearing these thigh high dior boots (of course they said Dior on them, or how else would you know how much they cost) and a bathingsuit. Choice lyrics from her classic hit Badass Strippa—"badass strippa in the escalade, jump out the truck I’m in san tropez. I have come to show you how to party, you have got to get with this. I don’t take no shhhh from nobody. I’ll take your lyrical diss. Buy it!"
Gold, solid gold.
Sad-Ass stripper
The SOV Lady Soverign’s answer to Jentina.
Montgomery’s answer to Good Ole Tom’s.
At school there is this ad on TV all the time for Good Ole Tom’s. You can bring your gold down to Good Ole Tom, a kind, elderly gentleman with a love of gold and giving out cash for it, and he’ll give you money. So come on down! Bring your friends, bring your kin.
Anyway, this ad is sort of Montgomery’s younger, blacker version of that, meets The Cha Cha Slide and Jump On It. Hilarity ensues.
Continuing our tour de Eurotrash music videos
When I was living with a host family in Italy, my host brother and I spent most of the day watching MTV Europe. This girl, Jentina, was all over TRL Roma. She even performed this song you’re about to see on TRL Roma, and she was wearing these thigh high dior boots (of course they said Dior on them, or how else would you know how much they cost) and a bathingsuit. Choice lyrics from her classic hit Badass Strippa—"badass strippa in the escalade, jump out the truck I’m in san tropez. I have come to show you how to party, you have got to get with this. I don’t take no shhhh from nobody. I’ll take your lyrical diss. Buy it!"
Gold, solid gold.
Sad-Ass stripper
The SOV Lady Soverign’s answer to Jentina.
Friday, March 16, 2007
Finally, true fame
My friend Jen found this on a facebook group about why Stuy sucks and her high school is so much better (as is evidenced by their supreme eloquence in the facebook medium).
This is me, Courtney, and Lindsey in New York Magazine for an interview about Notebook Girls.
Williams is a baby
While you were secretly so glad it’s snowing so you can’t go running…
With just a little more oxygen...
This 1957 Disney movie imagines what life on mars could be like if there were more oxygen and water on air. Plans that migrate in search of better soil (nomads/hippies)! Plants that feed on other plants (herbivores/cannibals)! Plants that feed on themselves (masochists? The creepy guy in that video who can give himself head? Ewwww, yeah I haven't seen that either). It’s a bit of a stretch. My history professor told us we’re not really supposed to make things up in papers (this after I asked him if I could just speculate on what disease Abigail Adams and the rest of the people at Quincy had, not actually do research and figure it out). But this short is still pretty cool.
Where are you looking?
When viewing photos of people, women look at the face and men “tend to fixate more on areas of private anatomy.” They needed supersonic eye technology to figure this out?
For Lindsey
This is hilarious. Her rendition of this video is actually exactly the same as the real thing.
Ayy it’s me!
This is me battling a terrible case of some sort of bronchitis phlegm disgusting but recording the New York Times podcast with my dad.
And lastly…FUCKING FUCK DUKE
This blog is all about realness, so I will be real. I know some fine upstanding citizens who attend Duke, and I like them very much. But when it comes to basketball, I have to yell HEELS HEELS HEELS and cheer for the team of my family for generations, that of ye olde UNC. Duke, this is why you suck (excellent song).
With just a little more oxygen...
This 1957 Disney movie imagines what life on mars could be like if there were more oxygen and water on air. Plans that migrate in search of better soil (nomads/hippies)! Plants that feed on other plants (herbivores/cannibals)! Plants that feed on themselves (masochists? The creepy guy in that video who can give himself head? Ewwww, yeah I haven't seen that either). It’s a bit of a stretch. My history professor told us we’re not really supposed to make things up in papers (this after I asked him if I could just speculate on what disease Abigail Adams and the rest of the people at Quincy had, not actually do research and figure it out). But this short is still pretty cool.
Where are you looking?
When viewing photos of people, women look at the face and men “tend to fixate more on areas of private anatomy.” They needed supersonic eye technology to figure this out?
For Lindsey
This is hilarious. Her rendition of this video is actually exactly the same as the real thing.
Ayy it’s me!
This is me battling a terrible case of some sort of bronchitis phlegm disgusting but recording the New York Times podcast with my dad.
And lastly…FUCKING FUCK DUKE
This blog is all about realness, so I will be real. I know some fine upstanding citizens who attend Duke, and I like them very much. But when it comes to basketball, I have to yell HEELS HEELS HEELS and cheer for the team of my family for generations, that of ye olde UNC. Duke, this is why you suck (excellent song).
Thursday, March 15, 2007
"Toss off any school that has Tech in its name. Tech means nerds. And nerds suck at sports."
AYYYY WES TECHHHHHHHH!!! THAT'S US!!!! ON COLBERT REPORT!!!!!!!
Alright, alright calm down. Let's get down to realness.
I will only be discussing one website today. And that is because it is a website so full, so plentiful—a cornucopia of pleasure, if you will—that we need not cast our eyes upon another.
I am speaking, of course, about the personal website of a Mr. Robert Goulet.
Some highlights:
Mr. G’s personal motto is “Check It Out.”
Robert is also an artist of the visual format—there’s a really great picture of a strange dragon/king/webbed footed monster, labeled simply as “critics.” Ah, gold. Gold drawn by a three year old retarded white tiger.
The best part would probably be the page where you get to read his poetry to the tunes of a gently strumming guitar and a horn that brings us across the seas to a land that time forgot, but one that brings up the longing in our hearts. Or some shit, whatever.
ALSO THE PICTURE OF THE G MAN IN HUGE SUNGLASSES, A SWEATBAND, AND A HANDLEBAR MUSTACHE HOLDING A LITTLE DOG IS SO FUCKING AWESOME.
If you are still reading this you have no soul. Go to the site.
Alright, alright calm down. Let's get down to realness.
I will only be discussing one website today. And that is because it is a website so full, so plentiful—a cornucopia of pleasure, if you will—that we need not cast our eyes upon another.
I am speaking, of course, about the personal website of a Mr. Robert Goulet.
Some highlights:
Mr. G’s personal motto is “Check It Out.”
Robert is also an artist of the visual format—there’s a really great picture of a strange dragon/king/webbed footed monster, labeled simply as “critics.” Ah, gold. Gold drawn by a three year old retarded white tiger.
The best part would probably be the page where you get to read his poetry to the tunes of a gently strumming guitar and a horn that brings us across the seas to a land that time forgot, but one that brings up the longing in our hearts. Or some shit, whatever.
ALSO THE PICTURE OF THE G MAN IN HUGE SUNGLASSES, A SWEATBAND, AND A HANDLEBAR MUSTACHE HOLDING A LITTLE DOG IS SO FUCKING AWESOME.
If you are still reading this you have no soul. Go to the site.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
“I mean yes, I love the huge thighs…I just didn’t know why they were running down the field!”
While you were on a gay rugby team…hey…wait a second…
(watch this video)
I just recorded the New York Times podcast with my dad—every week he has a different person read the question. Then he takes a picture of them with the headset on in our state of the art home studio (aka some little recording program on my dad’s imac). As I get older I realize my dad and I are actually the same person. I’ll put up a link to that soon. I’m pretty sick right now, so I can’t tell if my recording is sexy Lindsey Lohan voice or just really gross phlegm holding back a hacking cough voice. You be the judge!!!
Padova here I come!!!
I just got accepted into this abroad program in Padova, Italy, so to get myself psyched and in that special Eurotrash mood (I am currently wearing a neon yellow stretchy mini dress and one of those weird pseudo-mullets with bizarre highlights put in random places). Here’s the video for a great Italian jam “Voglia di Dance all Night.” It’s so good. You know your feelings are real when they can’t be expressed in just one language.
I swear to god this is not one of those times I typed “gay + ____” (soccer, life etc) into youtube to see what would happen.
This was a purely organic find.
This is though
Little kids playing sports is HILARIOUS.
Toodlez yall!!
(watch this video)
I just recorded the New York Times podcast with my dad—every week he has a different person read the question. Then he takes a picture of them with the headset on in our state of the art home studio (aka some little recording program on my dad’s imac). As I get older I realize my dad and I are actually the same person. I’ll put up a link to that soon. I’m pretty sick right now, so I can’t tell if my recording is sexy Lindsey Lohan voice or just really gross phlegm holding back a hacking cough voice. You be the judge!!!
Padova here I come!!!
I just got accepted into this abroad program in Padova, Italy, so to get myself psyched and in that special Eurotrash mood (I am currently wearing a neon yellow stretchy mini dress and one of those weird pseudo-mullets with bizarre highlights put in random places). Here’s the video for a great Italian jam “Voglia di Dance all Night.” It’s so good. You know your feelings are real when they can’t be expressed in just one language.
I swear to god this is not one of those times I typed “gay + ____” (soccer, life etc) into youtube to see what would happen.
This was a purely organic find.
This is though
Little kids playing sports is HILARIOUS.
Toodlez yall!!
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Day 1
Ok, so my two-a-days plan isn't going so well. I did watch an episode of Two-A-Days last night, it was a really good one because Max is under a lot of pressure both on and off the field, and Alex is just so cute (but he might be cheating on Kristin with some other girl! Except let's be real, Kristin, you're pretty busted, and Alex is, well, a specimen). Anyway, I ran this morning, but I still have remnants of the Washington Street Lung/Sophia's disease/going out for four nights a week this entire semester has crippled my body, so I might not make it to the second workout. Fascinating, I know. And yet, somehow, life goes on.
Finally Feral Children Get Their Own Website
There are a few things I love to write about here, including The Girls Next Door, All Blacks, and children raised by wolves. The Girls and The All Blacks have their own websites, so why not wolf babies? Exactly. My favorite part of the website is where they talk about all the different developmental problems that come from being raised by animals (possibly to dissuade kids who hate their parents from running away to become one of the pack?), including psychosocial dwarfism (a boy who was seven looked like he was three, and a girl who was thirteen looked only seven) and hypertrichosis—hairy children. There are a lot of stories/interviews with people who found wild children, including one form this seemly kind but maybe kind of weird guy who reports—“he appeared to communicate by some form of sign language. When we found him, he had hair all over his body. We took him to jail for safe-keeping…” Jail? For Safe-keeping? Listen, I’ve been to Rikers, and in no way is that place for safe-keeping, especially not the safe-keeping of wolf children. Something doesn’t sound right. Also, one of the kids is called “starved Jessica.” There’s a girl at wes we call that, but not because she was a wolf baby. It’s because she has an eating disorder.
Daily Dose of Sick Nasty
It’s so good.
What would a Unicorn Do?
I ask myself this a lot. I’m like Unicorn, this one guy is being a dick, this other guy doesn’t call me back, what should I do? And the unicorn looks at me and goes fucking frolic in a meadow, obvz.
Finally Feral Children Get Their Own Website
There are a few things I love to write about here, including The Girls Next Door, All Blacks, and children raised by wolves. The Girls and The All Blacks have their own websites, so why not wolf babies? Exactly. My favorite part of the website is where they talk about all the different developmental problems that come from being raised by animals (possibly to dissuade kids who hate their parents from running away to become one of the pack?), including psychosocial dwarfism (a boy who was seven looked like he was three, and a girl who was thirteen looked only seven) and hypertrichosis—hairy children. There are a lot of stories/interviews with people who found wild children, including one form this seemly kind but maybe kind of weird guy who reports—“he appeared to communicate by some form of sign language. When we found him, he had hair all over his body. We took him to jail for safe-keeping…” Jail? For Safe-keeping? Listen, I’ve been to Rikers, and in no way is that place for safe-keeping, especially not the safe-keeping of wolf children. Something doesn’t sound right. Also, one of the kids is called “starved Jessica.” There’s a girl at wes we call that, but not because she was a wolf baby. It’s because she has an eating disorder.
Daily Dose of Sick Nasty
It’s so good.
What would a Unicorn Do?
I ask myself this a lot. I’m like Unicorn, this one guy is being a dick, this other guy doesn’t call me back, what should I do? And the unicorn looks at me and goes fucking frolic in a meadow, obvz.
Friday, March 9, 2007
Breaksiezzzzzzz!!!!
Home for Spring Break, finally. While other people are going to St. Johns and Bermuda and all that for their "vacations" with their "families," I'm at home getting in shape for rugby and catching up on reading. WOOOOOOO FUCKIN SPRING BREAKKKKKKKK HOMER'S '07, you know where to find me, make it a double (but only after two-a-days and The Odyssey).
Yet another bit of comedic solid gold to come out of Boise, Idaho.
It's not that as a female I'm offended by its vagina talk, it's that as a human I'm offended by how not funny it is.
Best porta-potty names
My favorite is a toss up between Doodie Calls of New Orleans and Gotta Go Potties, of Tobyhanna, PA, because both of them sound like they were written by nine(teen) year old boys in the back of the classroom while they were supposed to be writing an essay on their favorite thing about America (positive versus negative aspects of queering the American state and the other). Anyway, this list is pretty great.
Possible Future Husband
This is Chris Jack. Noted historians of my life, draw your own conclusions.
How can you not love this guy? He hosts the All Black little video interviews with the other players, where he asks them about fishing and what kind of expensive shirts they like to buy. This is his rugby diary.
Highlights: He tries really hard to have rugby dreams before games.
He needs to eat a lot before games because he gets nervous and poops a lot.
He doesn’t like the Crocodile Snappy song.
He’s also a dreamboat (obvz—he did not need to record that in his diary).
Yet another bit of comedic solid gold to come out of Boise, Idaho.
It's not that as a female I'm offended by its vagina talk, it's that as a human I'm offended by how not funny it is.
Best porta-potty names
My favorite is a toss up between Doodie Calls of New Orleans and Gotta Go Potties, of Tobyhanna, PA, because both of them sound like they were written by nine(teen) year old boys in the back of the classroom while they were supposed to be writing an essay on their favorite thing about America (positive versus negative aspects of queering the American state and the other). Anyway, this list is pretty great.
Possible Future Husband
This is Chris Jack. Noted historians of my life, draw your own conclusions.
How can you not love this guy? He hosts the All Black little video interviews with the other players, where he asks them about fishing and what kind of expensive shirts they like to buy. This is his rugby diary.
Highlights: He tries really hard to have rugby dreams before games.
He needs to eat a lot before games because he gets nervous and poops a lot.
He doesn’t like the Crocodile Snappy song.
He’s also a dreamboat (obvz—he did not need to record that in his diary).
Wednesday, March 7, 2007
Again!?!?!?
Yes! Again!
It's barnight!
Only at Wesleyan for 8 months of the year do people say barnight and completely give up the word Wednesday.
"News!" Cause you know around here we (I) use that word pretty liberally.
CSpan to make federal events more widely available to the online community
Can’t wait to catch up on my pie charts and tight shots of Ted Kennedy napping.
Youtube blocked in Turkey
Guess they can’t catch up on babies falling down or more versions of box in a box (tits in a tupperwear? No?).
If only this Cspan and youtube thing could be combined…into one giant joke...if only…I were funnier….
GUY GETS HELD UP AT THE AIRPORT FOR SETTING OFF A METAL DETECTOR, AND THEY’RE LIKE OH WE GOTTA LOOK IN YOUR BUTT AND HE’S LIKE YEAH I GOT SOME WIRES UP THERE. IN MY BUTT.
Sometimes, it’s like God just hands down a little gem and is like Hey, run wild. This is one of those times.
OH MY GOD LOOK AT THIS FUCKING PIG
IT HAS TWO NOSES AND THREE EYES AND TWO MOUTHS AND ONE SHARED HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!! HAS THE WORLD GONE COMPLETELY MAD!?!?!?! AND WHERE IS THAT PUNCTUATION MARK THAT COMBINES THE QUESTION MARK WITH THE EXCLAMATION POINT WHEN YOU NEED IT?!!?!?!?!!?!?!?
Gay Soccer part 3
One of my favorite things to do is to type “gay soccer” into youtube and see what happens. This latest installment in our series is pure genius. Let me tell you, if this guy reffed more games, soccer would be USA USA USA’s number 1 sport. Just kidding, it will always be football. You homo.
It's barnight!
Only at Wesleyan for 8 months of the year do people say barnight and completely give up the word Wednesday.
"News!" Cause you know around here we (I) use that word pretty liberally.
CSpan to make federal events more widely available to the online community
Can’t wait to catch up on my pie charts and tight shots of Ted Kennedy napping.
Youtube blocked in Turkey
Guess they can’t catch up on babies falling down or more versions of box in a box (tits in a tupperwear? No?).
If only this Cspan and youtube thing could be combined…into one giant joke...if only…I were funnier….
GUY GETS HELD UP AT THE AIRPORT FOR SETTING OFF A METAL DETECTOR, AND THEY’RE LIKE OH WE GOTTA LOOK IN YOUR BUTT AND HE’S LIKE YEAH I GOT SOME WIRES UP THERE. IN MY BUTT.
Sometimes, it’s like God just hands down a little gem and is like Hey, run wild. This is one of those times.
OH MY GOD LOOK AT THIS FUCKING PIG
IT HAS TWO NOSES AND THREE EYES AND TWO MOUTHS AND ONE SHARED HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!! HAS THE WORLD GONE COMPLETELY MAD!?!?!?! AND WHERE IS THAT PUNCTUATION MARK THAT COMBINES THE QUESTION MARK WITH THE EXCLAMATION POINT WHEN YOU NEED IT?!!?!?!?!!?!?!?
Gay Soccer part 3
One of my favorite things to do is to type “gay soccer” into youtube and see what happens. This latest installment in our series is pure genius. Let me tell you, if this guy reffed more games, soccer would be USA USA USA’s number 1 sport. Just kidding, it will always be football. You homo.
Tuesday, March 6, 2007
More More More
I just got so exited by the previous post that I had to do another one.
Also I'm trying to avoid rereading my notes for my American Lit 1865-1945 test.
Saturday Is Rugby Day
Rugby season is starting up! After playing some indoor rugby (all fun and games until someone breaks a glass) with the boys next door, I thought I should get my own ball (just in time for indoor Wednesday pregaming with Avital, and in no way could hat ever be a bad idea).
I’m getting this ball.
Guess the product/Blind Item
“It’s wicked, but they love it!”
Hints, from the ad: action packed ride-on for both boys and girls
Wide age group
Can be used by both one rider or two
Please leave out obvious answers like cocaine and the entire WesRugby team.
Video from Tony
How to sum up Tony in a paragraph? It’s an impossible task. Probably the most important thing to know is that he has great hair, a dog that is sweet but has fucking hideous hair, and this summer we had great pillow talks about life and boyfriends and girlfriends and which subways we would take in the morning. Except I always knew because I’m actually from the city.
He basically owns South Orange and Maplewood, but come on, it’s still South Orange and Maplewood.
One day we will live together on a mountain top. *
He sent me this video
*he doesn’t know I have these plans
Also I'm trying to avoid rereading my notes for my American Lit 1865-1945 test.
Saturday Is Rugby Day
Rugby season is starting up! After playing some indoor rugby (all fun and games until someone breaks a glass) with the boys next door, I thought I should get my own ball (just in time for indoor Wednesday pregaming with Avital, and in no way could hat ever be a bad idea).
I’m getting this ball.
Guess the product/Blind Item
“It’s wicked, but they love it!”
Hints, from the ad: action packed ride-on for both boys and girls
Wide age group
Can be used by both one rider or two
Please leave out obvious answers like cocaine and the entire WesRugby team.
Video from Tony
How to sum up Tony in a paragraph? It’s an impossible task. Probably the most important thing to know is that he has great hair, a dog that is sweet but has fucking hideous hair, and this summer we had great pillow talks about life and boyfriends and girlfriends and which subways we would take in the morning. Except I always knew because I’m actually from the city.
He basically owns South Orange and Maplewood, but come on, it’s still South Orange and Maplewood.
One day we will live together on a mountain top. *
He sent me this video
*he doesn’t know I have these plans
GIMME THAT PURPLE STUFF BABY
It’s been a while, sorry.
Why am I apologizing?
And, lets be real here, who am I apologizing to?
Wesleyan’s basketball team had a rough end to a season that started out so well. Actually, I don’t really remember if it started well or not—all I remember is that I had a lot of fun at the games and I yelled a lot, creating such classics as “Middleberry? More like…bottom berry…mediocre berry….ahhhh more beer!!!!!” and “HEY NUMBER 19! YOU ARE TERRIBLE AT BASKETBALL, GET OFF THE COURT!” Anyway, the end of the season wasn’t so good, clutch members are leaving the team, so I guess the school needed something to boost both team and school moral. At least that is the only explanation I can come up with for these.
Why am I apologizing?
And, lets be real here, who am I apologizing to?
Wesleyan’s basketball team had a rough end to a season that started out so well. Actually, I don’t really remember if it started well or not—all I remember is that I had a lot of fun at the games and I yelled a lot, creating such classics as “Middleberry? More like…bottom berry…mediocre berry….ahhhh more beer!!!!!” and “HEY NUMBER 19! YOU ARE TERRIBLE AT BASKETBALL, GET OFF THE COURT!” Anyway, the end of the season wasn’t so good, clutch members are leaving the team, so I guess the school needed something to boost both team and school moral. At least that is the only explanation I can come up with for these.
Saturday, February 10, 2007
Oh...we're both going home this weekend...
Sophia and Emily are gone, which means PARTY AT 344 WASH IN SOPHIA AND EMILY'S ROOM WOOOO NO PARENTS.
Actually no.
Because that would be gay.
Eagles are great
A lot of people think nothing comes out of St. Louis. They might not have even known which state it's in, and wondered why their friend Julia Baskin would want to go to school all the way out...there...where it is. Anyway, apparently there are funny people there, like the one who made this video. Here's something great that came out of St. Louis, besides what Julia picked up from the first guy she hooked up with during orientation week (uncomfortable for her, hilarious for her friends, specifically me).
Actually no.
Because that would be gay.
Eagles are great
A lot of people think nothing comes out of St. Louis. They might not have even known which state it's in, and wondered why their friend Julia Baskin would want to go to school all the way out...there...where it is. Anyway, apparently there are funny people there, like the one who made this video. Here's something great that came out of St. Louis, besides what Julia picked up from the first guy she hooked up with during orientation week (uncomfortable for her, hilarious for her friends, specifically me).
Friday, February 9, 2007
Zooma Zooma
Last night, life came together in the form of the greatest game of all time, Zooma Zooma. Screaming, banging on the table, c4, dumie dumie bootsie bootsie, reality.
In case you were wondering....
I know I talk a lot about my behavior at the CEO's and Secretary Ho's party, but that's only because it's so representative of...something. Anyway, in the spirit of Best Week Ever's In Case You Missed It, here's something that might shed some light on this mysterious event.
And in no way is that depressing...
Valentine’s day is coming up…and even dead people of the Neolithic Era are having a more romantic time than I am about to. Unless by romantic you include olin, Lean Pockets, and soul crushing self doubt, in which case count me in for a day of l-u-v.
Walk it off Wes
Hats? Check
Nasty choreography? Check
Reality? Checks unlimited.
Further proof that Bridget from The Girls Next Door is actually in third grade
“I thought Wednesday’s birthday party went really good, and the dogs seemed to have a lot of fun, except Archie and Little Foot. They weren’t having it. I think it was too immature for them” A PARTY. FOR A DOG. AND EVEN THE DOG THINKS IT’S MORONIC.
"My theme this year for the easter egg party was peeps! I dressed up as the easter bunny!"
Just seeing her in a huge easter bunny costume running after her traumatized puppy with outstretched arms screaming “Winnie Winnie!!!!!!!” is a life-changing experience. In that I now know I need to change my life and stop watching this woman. Also, she’s dressed in the costume but they’re all just sitting around the table—NO ONE ELSE IS WEARING A COSTUME, THUS RENDERING IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR IT TO BE A COSTUME PARTY.
Fuck it, just fuck it.
In case you were wondering....
I know I talk a lot about my behavior at the CEO's and Secretary Ho's party, but that's only because it's so representative of...something. Anyway, in the spirit of Best Week Ever's In Case You Missed It, here's something that might shed some light on this mysterious event.
And in no way is that depressing...
Valentine’s day is coming up…and even dead people of the Neolithic Era are having a more romantic time than I am about to. Unless by romantic you include olin, Lean Pockets, and soul crushing self doubt, in which case count me in for a day of l-u-v.
Walk it off Wes
Hats? Check
Nasty choreography? Check
Reality? Checks unlimited.
Further proof that Bridget from The Girls Next Door is actually in third grade
“I thought Wednesday’s birthday party went really good, and the dogs seemed to have a lot of fun, except Archie and Little Foot. They weren’t having it. I think it was too immature for them” A PARTY. FOR A DOG. AND EVEN THE DOG THINKS IT’S MORONIC.
"My theme this year for the easter egg party was peeps! I dressed up as the easter bunny!"
Just seeing her in a huge easter bunny costume running after her traumatized puppy with outstretched arms screaming “Winnie Winnie!!!!!!!” is a life-changing experience. In that I now know I need to change my life and stop watching this woman. Also, she’s dressed in the costume but they’re all just sitting around the table—NO ONE ELSE IS WEARING A COSTUME, THUS RENDERING IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR IT TO BE A COSTUME PARTY.
Fuck it, just fuck it.
Monday, February 5, 2007
"Well I thought since we have this field here that we could go play in the field."
It's the Leggle-My-EggleBojangledorfs doing what they do
(Being gay.)
We at 344 have taken a few freshman under our wing, by which we mean lure them to our far away house with promises of free alcohol and loose women (Sophia). Josh and Sam are two of them. Well really just one of them, because I still can't tell them apart. Anyway, they're hilarious, and we love them. They get our sense of humor, specifically gay jokes. Here is a great video they made, Gay Next.
(Being gay.)
We at 344 have taken a few freshman under our wing, by which we mean lure them to our far away house with promises of free alcohol and loose women (Sophia). Josh and Sam are two of them. Well really just one of them, because I still can't tell them apart. Anyway, they're hilarious, and we love them. They get our sense of humor, specifically gay jokes. Here is a great video they made, Gay Next.
Friday, February 2, 2007
Day three of the four day weekend
I'm fading, but I'm going to ride this horse into the distance like the cowboy that I am. And then shoot a whole bunch of townsfolk who had it coming.
And by fading I mean still tasting remnants of Dubra and Franzia in the back of my throat, horse I mean hangover, and boy I mean girl. No wait, boy. Anyway...
Baby Breakdancing
I usually don't like little kids that much, mainly because of the pooping and the screaming and how they are so incredibly stupid, but then again that hasn't stopped me from dating, eyyyy am I right ladies, am I right? Anyway, leaving my bitter tendencies and life of solitude aside, this shit is hilarious.
The Pony Who Liked Fun
My joke just died the most horrible death ever. I had to delete it, it stunk of that much unfunny. I could just be smelling the second half of my meatball sub that I left on the kitchen table, but I'm pretty sure it was the bad joke I just spared all of you, yes all four of you, from having to read. Point being, these old cartoons are great.
Fame, sweet fleeting fame
Thanks to Isabella and the Argus for writing about (how nobody reads) my blog. Love yall.
THIS LADY WANTS TO CUT HER OWN LEG OFF
Realness has reached a record high. Basically this lady has this disease where you want to amputate parts of your body, and she wrote a darling little piece about it under a pseudonym. She writes "my youngest child is 10 and the eldest 15, and they do not know the truth about the removal of my leg yet. I told them I had a problem back in March and have had complications since. " But when her kids read this, the kids with the MOM THAT ONLY HAS ONE LEG WHO TOLD THEM THAT SHE HAD A PROBLEM BACK IN MARCH AND HAVE HAD COMPLICATIONS SINCE, won't they put two and two together? Probably not.
And by fading I mean still tasting remnants of Dubra and Franzia in the back of my throat, horse I mean hangover, and boy I mean girl. No wait, boy. Anyway...
Baby Breakdancing
I usually don't like little kids that much, mainly because of the pooping and the screaming and how they are so incredibly stupid, but then again that hasn't stopped me from dating, eyyyy am I right ladies, am I right? Anyway, leaving my bitter tendencies and life of solitude aside, this shit is hilarious.
The Pony Who Liked Fun
My joke just died the most horrible death ever. I had to delete it, it stunk of that much unfunny. I could just be smelling the second half of my meatball sub that I left on the kitchen table, but I'm pretty sure it was the bad joke I just spared all of you, yes all four of you, from having to read. Point being, these old cartoons are great.
Fame, sweet fleeting fame
Thanks to Isabella and the Argus for writing about (how nobody reads) my blog. Love yall.
THIS LADY WANTS TO CUT HER OWN LEG OFF
Realness has reached a record high. Basically this lady has this disease where you want to amputate parts of your body, and she wrote a darling little piece about it under a pseudonym. She writes "my youngest child is 10 and the eldest 15, and they do not know the truth about the removal of my leg yet. I told them I had a problem back in March and have had complications since. " But when her kids read this, the kids with the MOM THAT ONLY HAS ONE LEG WHO TOLD THEM THAT SHE HAD A PROBLEM BACK IN MARCH AND HAVE HAD COMPLICATIONS SINCE, won't they put two and two together? Probably not.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Fuck this, I'm in the library
I'm sorry, I cannot possibly begin to care about the title of this post.
Apparently neither can anyone else.
Iguana’s penis removed
Penis amputated after suffering w/ a week long erection.
The jokes just write themselves—but they're working overtime and I don't know which to pick. This is definitely an am I right girls, am I right, situation. But here we encounter a crossroads:
a)There are plenty of guys I know who might service the Wesleyan population best if they had a similar operation, am I right girls, am I right?
b)Week long erection? If only some of the guys I know had that problem, am I right girls, am I right?
Point being, clearly this lizard was getting more action than I was last week, and in no way is that depressing. Oh wait. Yes, yes it is.
Why I'm glad my parents never got a camcorder.
Omgzz this is so painful/hilarious
The biggest waves I’ve ever seen
I don’t have anything else to say. This shit is insane.
Apparently neither can anyone else.
Iguana’s penis removed
Penis amputated after suffering w/ a week long erection.
The jokes just write themselves—but they're working overtime and I don't know which to pick. This is definitely an am I right girls, am I right, situation. But here we encounter a crossroads:
a)There are plenty of guys I know who might service the Wesleyan population best if they had a similar operation, am I right girls, am I right?
b)Week long erection? If only some of the guys I know had that problem, am I right girls, am I right?
Point being, clearly this lizard was getting more action than I was last week, and in no way is that depressing. Oh wait. Yes, yes it is.
Why I'm glad my parents never got a camcorder.
Omgzz this is so painful/hilarious
The biggest waves I’ve ever seen
I don’t have anything else to say. This shit is insane.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Daily Dose of Sick Nasty
Some say wings never get it. That's not true. They do. But then they get tackled and someone else makes the try.
"Maybe you should get a nose job."
While you were totes lovin Maui Fever, I was...also totes loving Maui Fever.
The Archduke pimp from the 18th century
Lindsey and I used to play MASH in 7th grade (read: 12th grade), and for Wedding Dress we’d always make one of the choices “thong and a cape.” I don’t think I ever specified, but I imagined the cape being leopard print, and that’s why I’m so glad that the 18th century pimp read my mind and made this video. It has everything I love--the aforementioned cape, asses, and far away eras.
How to clean a sponge (to the tune of that song from Grey’s anatomy)
Over here at 344 “silent animosity house,” our sponges start to smell like an amusing blend of old milk and mold after about two weeks. On that note, here’s how you can make your sponges not carry so many nasty e. coli diseases.
Attention Wesleyan Guys:
Sometimes we girls get tired of the same old ways guys try to talk to us. I mean come up with something original, am I right girls, am I right? Yes, you can get me a beer, no I do not want to see what a senior dorm room looks like. Ok, I do, and we know that. Bad example. But what I mean is, guys need to start coming up with better ways to get girls. They seem to be at a loss for how to seduce the fine women of Wesleyan…UNTIL NOW.
Reasons that Jeremy Piven is NOT, despite what you might think, turning into Ari Gold
1. Ari Gold is strangely attractive, whereas after seeing Jeremy Piven play Pilot-George on Seinfeld, I’m mildly repulsed by the idea of him.
2. Ari Gold is a fucking G. Jeremy Piven is not.
3. Ari Gold is fucking fabulous and would never be caught dead dressed like this.
Jamie Foxx, I hate you.
Shit like this just makes me mad. Like, OK, for example—when I go to the campus center, and I’m like “can I have a burrito with chicken, beans, and rice, but NO CHEESE,” they give me this look like bitch why don’t you like cheese, when really I’m actually making their lives easier by erasing the difficult and exhausting task of cheesing a burrito. But when Jamie Foxx requests special vodka at his concerts so he can pour it on the ladies in the crowd—which I’m sure they love, because who doesn’t want to have a man who is obsessed with himself pour alcohol on them, especially one with such a lovely rubbing alcohol aroma–everyone just thinks that’s great because Jamie is the man. What the fuck. I want to be the man. Note: I said the man, not a man.
The Archduke pimp from the 18th century
Lindsey and I used to play MASH in 7th grade (read: 12th grade), and for Wedding Dress we’d always make one of the choices “thong and a cape.” I don’t think I ever specified, but I imagined the cape being leopard print, and that’s why I’m so glad that the 18th century pimp read my mind and made this video. It has everything I love--the aforementioned cape, asses, and far away eras.
How to clean a sponge (to the tune of that song from Grey’s anatomy)
Over here at 344 “silent animosity house,” our sponges start to smell like an amusing blend of old milk and mold after about two weeks. On that note, here’s how you can make your sponges not carry so many nasty e. coli diseases.
Attention Wesleyan Guys:
Sometimes we girls get tired of the same old ways guys try to talk to us. I mean come up with something original, am I right girls, am I right? Yes, you can get me a beer, no I do not want to see what a senior dorm room looks like. Ok, I do, and we know that. Bad example. But what I mean is, guys need to start coming up with better ways to get girls. They seem to be at a loss for how to seduce the fine women of Wesleyan…UNTIL NOW.
Reasons that Jeremy Piven is NOT, despite what you might think, turning into Ari Gold
1. Ari Gold is strangely attractive, whereas after seeing Jeremy Piven play Pilot-George on Seinfeld, I’m mildly repulsed by the idea of him.
2. Ari Gold is a fucking G. Jeremy Piven is not.
3. Ari Gold is fucking fabulous and would never be caught dead dressed like this.
Jamie Foxx, I hate you.
Shit like this just makes me mad. Like, OK, for example—when I go to the campus center, and I’m like “can I have a burrito with chicken, beans, and rice, but NO CHEESE,” they give me this look like bitch why don’t you like cheese, when really I’m actually making their lives easier by erasing the difficult and exhausting task of cheesing a burrito. But when Jamie Foxx requests special vodka at his concerts so he can pour it on the ladies in the crowd—which I’m sure they love, because who doesn’t want to have a man who is obsessed with himself pour alcohol on them, especially one with such a lovely rubbing alcohol aroma–everyone just thinks that’s great because Jamie is the man. What the fuck. I want to be the man. Note: I said the man, not a man.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Daily Dose of Sick Nasty
Speaking of the Girls Next Door, I just remembered another thing I haven't posted in a while--the haka, or, as rugby historians call it, mothafuckin All Blacks doin the mothafuckin haka (points to you, America The Book).
"There are five drives."
While you were unpacking and moving in/movin on up, I was trying to drive Liana's car, and partaking in the greatest Wesleyan tradition of all, known by scholars as Drunkizie Mochizie. All fun and games until people start throwing ketchup.
Who are you?
So I realized I haven't posted anything about the Girls Next Door in a few days, which is entirely too long to go without them. Now you can find out which one you're the most like (Fuck yeah I got Kendra), or, for the guys/girls who like girls, which one you would "bed."
Dina, Dina, Dina, you tragic mess....JK'zzzzz love ya!!!!!!
Dina Lohan is probably my favorite celebrity mom, next to Tina Simpson. Whether she’s getting her sex-type-thing on under the table at a fancy restaurant or not being her daughter’s keeper, she is a wild ride, and you know I love me some crazies. Also that hair is just too much.
This is so upsetting
Tara Reid is copping my look. TARA FUCKING REID. I need to get a new style ASAP when that bitch is rocking a shirt as a dress, tights, and boots. Life is so difficult. And yes, I did invent this style. Kate Moss, Twiggy, fuck that.
This is also upsetting
Prada. Cellphone. What the fuck. First of all, this is so ridiculously stupid. And yes, I do own Uggs and a variety of other lovely name brand items. I'm not knocking labels, I love labels. Especially when they can be applied to people I don't really know for no real reason. I just don’t understand why Prada, of all expensive cell phones. How does being good at making fine leather goods imply being good at making phones? I guess that’s not really the point, though.
Some National Anthems
What’s outside America? A lot, apparently. What do they have to be proud of? I’m not really sure, but they do sing those anthems with pride.
Indian National Anthem
Swedish National Anthem
North Korea National Anthem
Italian National Anthem
Czech Republic National Anthem
Norway's National Anthem
Who are you?
So I realized I haven't posted anything about the Girls Next Door in a few days, which is entirely too long to go without them. Now you can find out which one you're the most like (Fuck yeah I got Kendra), or, for the guys/girls who like girls, which one you would "bed."
Dina, Dina, Dina, you tragic mess....JK'zzzzz love ya!!!!!!
Dina Lohan is probably my favorite celebrity mom, next to Tina Simpson. Whether she’s getting her sex-type-thing on under the table at a fancy restaurant or not being her daughter’s keeper, she is a wild ride, and you know I love me some crazies. Also that hair is just too much.
This is so upsetting
Tara Reid is copping my look. TARA FUCKING REID. I need to get a new style ASAP when that bitch is rocking a shirt as a dress, tights, and boots. Life is so difficult. And yes, I did invent this style. Kate Moss, Twiggy, fuck that.
This is also upsetting
Prada. Cellphone. What the fuck. First of all, this is so ridiculously stupid. And yes, I do own Uggs and a variety of other lovely name brand items. I'm not knocking labels, I love labels. Especially when they can be applied to people I don't really know for no real reason. I just don’t understand why Prada, of all expensive cell phones. How does being good at making fine leather goods imply being good at making phones? I guess that’s not really the point, though.
Some National Anthems
What’s outside America? A lot, apparently. What do they have to be proud of? I’m not really sure, but they do sing those anthems with pride.
Indian National Anthem
Swedish National Anthem
North Korea National Anthem
Italian National Anthem
Czech Republic National Anthem
Norway's National Anthem
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Daily Dose of Sick Nasty
All Black backs in the back do it again.
Moments in rugby history: Ben Franklin once said to a lady friend (eyyyyyy), "my dear, if I wasn't so fat and comfortable lying on this couch, I would play rugby. And by the way, I just soiled myself." Actually, Ben Franklin seems like a pretty perfect rugby player, what with the loving to booze around and...well, I guess that's about it.
Moments in rugby history: Ben Franklin once said to a lady friend (eyyyyyy), "my dear, if I wasn't so fat and comfortable lying on this couch, I would play rugby. And by the way, I just soiled myself." Actually, Ben Franklin seems like a pretty perfect rugby player, what with the loving to booze around and...well, I guess that's about it.
“Where Chili Pepper lights meets Christmas tree lights.”
While you were out at BYOB Indian down town playing Never Have I Ever until they had to physically remove you, I was…oh wait…that was me. Anyway, today is a slow news day apparently (clearly I use the word “news” quite loosely).
Lady Sovereign is going on tour w/ Gwen Stefani
This should be so cool, I’m so excited! Well, now that I think about, there is no way I will end up going to this a)because I’m in school in the middle of nowhere, CT, and b)because I’m lazy and would never coordinate getting myself to this. But it looks fun.
Nick Lachey to get married to Vanessa Millanesemayomilan in Mexico
Why there? Because they fell in love in Mexico. Kids, you’re young, or at least Vanessa is. If anyone knows, I know that sometimes you can mistake feelings of excitement for love, especially when you’re in spring break in Cabo and some guy from U Texas promises you the world, or at least some of the all inclusive drinks “on him,” which still doesn’t make sense. Good times. Anyway, point being, just be sure by “I want to love you forever” (OOOOOOOH JESSICAAAAAAAAA) you don’t mean “I want to do you in the hotel pool.” Because that would be a wacky mix up!!!!!
Nerds are HILARIOUS.
Guy measures how big the land mass in World Of Warcraft would be in real life. I said would be, because IT ISN’T REAL. If the idea of someone actually taking the time to do this wasn’t so deeply saddening, It would be funny. Wait, I take that back. It is hilarious.
Why not dress like a Grandma?
There can be no proper introduction for this.
Lady Sovereign is going on tour w/ Gwen Stefani
This should be so cool, I’m so excited! Well, now that I think about, there is no way I will end up going to this a)because I’m in school in the middle of nowhere, CT, and b)because I’m lazy and would never coordinate getting myself to this. But it looks fun.
Nick Lachey to get married to Vanessa Millanesemayomilan in Mexico
Why there? Because they fell in love in Mexico. Kids, you’re young, or at least Vanessa is. If anyone knows, I know that sometimes you can mistake feelings of excitement for love, especially when you’re in spring break in Cabo and some guy from U Texas promises you the world, or at least some of the all inclusive drinks “on him,” which still doesn’t make sense. Good times. Anyway, point being, just be sure by “I want to love you forever” (OOOOOOOH JESSICAAAAAAAAA) you don’t mean “I want to do you in the hotel pool.” Because that would be a wacky mix up!!!!!
Nerds are HILARIOUS.
Guy measures how big the land mass in World Of Warcraft would be in real life. I said would be, because IT ISN’T REAL. If the idea of someone actually taking the time to do this wasn’t so deeply saddening, It would be funny. Wait, I take that back. It is hilarious.
Why not dress like a Grandma?
There can be no proper introduction for this.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
There's something about a little dog. You can't say no.
While you were freaking out that the creepy pod known as Romance on I Love New York is so lifelike yet so incredibly disturbing, I was getting a haircut, watching I Love New York, and eating Katha's Christmas Balls, delicious cookies I'm bringing back up to Wesleyan that I made with my mom. And also finding stuff to post here. Obviously.
Who are you again?
Ryan Seacrest is all pissed that Angelina Jolie snubbed him at the Goldie G’s. He’s all “boo freakedy hoo Angelina didn’t talk to me on the red carpet,” and she's all, "I'm sorry who are you again? Because I'm Angelina fucking Jolie, you worthless waste of Jergens Sunless Tanner." Seriously, who are you, Ryan Seacrest? You are a pathetic groveler whose idea of gossip is LITERALLY talking about the weather. Angelina is a talented movie star who has more important things to do than answer moronic questions about what she feeds her kids for breakfast. Like do Brad Pitt in a bathroom and then suck his blood while Jennifer Aniston mixes vodka with Special K to numb the pain and then makes a voodoo dolly of Angelina’s perfect perfect fucking face (for example).
The dot and the line: A romance in lower mathematics
Or: how I learned to stop worrying and love being a complete nerd who sees
all of her failed relationships in mathematical metaphors.
Seriously, even if you don’t like math, which would be totally fucked up
and make you obviously stupid, this Oscar winning short is incredibly
sweet. Plus, are you really doing anything? Really?
I knew if I typed “gay dance” into youtube I’d find something delightful.
The guy in the white shorts is so great, and he even represents Rocafella records a bit. If Damon Dash didn’t hate gay people he might be proud. I actually have no idea if that’s true. I'm sorry. About a lot of things.
Who are you again?
Ryan Seacrest is all pissed that Angelina Jolie snubbed him at the Goldie G’s. He’s all “boo freakedy hoo Angelina didn’t talk to me on the red carpet,” and she's all, "I'm sorry who are you again? Because I'm Angelina fucking Jolie, you worthless waste of Jergens Sunless Tanner." Seriously, who are you, Ryan Seacrest? You are a pathetic groveler whose idea of gossip is LITERALLY talking about the weather. Angelina is a talented movie star who has more important things to do than answer moronic questions about what she feeds her kids for breakfast. Like do Brad Pitt in a bathroom and then suck his blood while Jennifer Aniston mixes vodka with Special K to numb the pain and then makes a voodoo dolly of Angelina’s perfect perfect fucking face (for example).
The dot and the line: A romance in lower mathematics
Or: how I learned to stop worrying and love being a complete nerd who sees
all of her failed relationships in mathematical metaphors.
Seriously, even if you don’t like math, which would be totally fucked up
and make you obviously stupid, this Oscar winning short is incredibly
sweet. Plus, are you really doing anything? Really?
I knew if I typed “gay dance” into youtube I’d find something delightful.
The guy in the white shorts is so great, and he even represents Rocafella records a bit. If Damon Dash didn’t hate gay people he might be proud. I actually have no idea if that’s true. I'm sorry. About a lot of things.
Who am I? What am I? Isn't it obvious? I have a penis.
While you were laughing/crying with/at Zarf on All My Children, I was...going out with Kate and drinking with our new Bulgarian friends. One of them was very impressed that I guessed his cologne (Aqua). I was very impressed he didn't vomit on my shirt, so much as near my shirt. That actually didn't happen at all. I just thought it would be a good joke. It wasn't. Fuck it, here's some shit for your shitty, shitty lives.
Nice to wake up to
This is for Lindsey, cause that girl loves herself some Jakey G. This too.
CHEMICALS IN THE DC RIVER TURN YOU INTO A MAN HATING GAY QUEER FEMINIST TRANNY!!!!!!!!!
This explains so much about my life. Except that I’m not from DC and have never even been in that river…oh well, back to the drawing board.
Has someone YOU know been ah-splish ah-splashing in the tranny water?
Little Countries’ news is so cute!
All right NZ, that’s really great and all, and I am considering your great land as a place to study abroad, but seriously. We’re a real country over here…maybe you’ve heard of us? A little place called USA USA USA #1? Sound familiar? Anyway, we have REAL news. You could learn thing or two from us—like about NASCAR.
Wild lady running around eating rice
Ok, so I’ve let you in on some of my interests, such as The Girls Next Door and All Blacks, but here’s a third—people raised in the forest, specifically wolf children. Now this story isn’t as good, because this lady was not raised by wolves, but it is pretty awesome. But then I got to thinking…this might just be totally fucked up, and I mean more than it already is. I’m going to put on my detective's cap and figure this one out. They said the woman they found was half-human and half animal, skin and bones, walking all fucked up, stealing bits of rice, and couldn’t speak any intelligible language. Clearly this is either Kate Bosworth or Paula Abdul. Which one, I’m not sure—this is as far as my detective’s cap takes me (It’s a pretty small hat.).
Paris’s Wonky eye
We’ve all seen Courtney’s ID picture, and she turned out fine. First of all, I think Paris has got a lot bigger problems than a fucked up eye, specifically her hair, her entire wardrobe, her personality, and her existence in the universe. Second of all…well I guess that’s about it.
What happens when you type "gay soccer" into Youtube
Or: Further proof Josh Stephens is a raging homo
I live next door to four members of the boldest and the bravest, Wesleyan’s soccer team. Obviously I love the soccer team, because they’re really good and (almost) all of them are incredibly cute. But I always suspected there was something a little gay about Wesleyan’s finest. Not that there’s anything wrong with that—except that it keeps them from hooking up with me (and that is the ONLY explanation I can come up with). Anyway, I’ve been having these suspicions for a while--it might have been after some late night conversations with Josh Stephens, or maybe after watching Chris Brown and Morgan Owen “wrestle.” On that note, here’s something really special.
PS Josh gave me permission to post this deep dark secret.
PPS Actually he's not gay, he told me so, and ladies, he's single!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PPS I'm going to stop now before he physically abuses me when I get back to school. LOVE YOU JOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THIS JUST CRAWLED INTO MY BRAIN AND BLEW MY FUCKING MIND
Nice to wake up to
This is for Lindsey, cause that girl loves herself some Jakey G. This too.
CHEMICALS IN THE DC RIVER TURN YOU INTO A MAN HATING GAY QUEER FEMINIST TRANNY!!!!!!!!!
This explains so much about my life. Except that I’m not from DC and have never even been in that river…oh well, back to the drawing board.
Has someone YOU know been ah-splish ah-splashing in the tranny water?
Little Countries’ news is so cute!
All right NZ, that’s really great and all, and I am considering your great land as a place to study abroad, but seriously. We’re a real country over here…maybe you’ve heard of us? A little place called USA USA USA #1? Sound familiar? Anyway, we have REAL news. You could learn thing or two from us—like about NASCAR.
Wild lady running around eating rice
Ok, so I’ve let you in on some of my interests, such as The Girls Next Door and All Blacks, but here’s a third—people raised in the forest, specifically wolf children. Now this story isn’t as good, because this lady was not raised by wolves, but it is pretty awesome. But then I got to thinking…this might just be totally fucked up, and I mean more than it already is. I’m going to put on my detective's cap and figure this one out. They said the woman they found was half-human and half animal, skin and bones, walking all fucked up, stealing bits of rice, and couldn’t speak any intelligible language. Clearly this is either Kate Bosworth or Paula Abdul. Which one, I’m not sure—this is as far as my detective’s cap takes me (It’s a pretty small hat.).
Paris’s Wonky eye
We’ve all seen Courtney’s ID picture, and she turned out fine. First of all, I think Paris has got a lot bigger problems than a fucked up eye, specifically her hair, her entire wardrobe, her personality, and her existence in the universe. Second of all…well I guess that’s about it.
What happens when you type "gay soccer" into Youtube
Or: Further proof Josh Stephens is a raging homo
I live next door to four members of the boldest and the bravest, Wesleyan’s soccer team. Obviously I love the soccer team, because they’re really good and (almost) all of them are incredibly cute. But I always suspected there was something a little gay about Wesleyan’s finest. Not that there’s anything wrong with that—except that it keeps them from hooking up with me (and that is the ONLY explanation I can come up with). Anyway, I’ve been having these suspicions for a while--it might have been after some late night conversations with Josh Stephens, or maybe after watching Chris Brown and Morgan Owen “wrestle.” On that note, here’s something really special.
PS Josh gave me permission to post this deep dark secret.
PPS Actually he's not gay, he told me so, and ladies, he's single!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PPS I'm going to stop now before he physically abuses me when I get back to school. LOVE YOU JOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
THIS JUST CRAWLED INTO MY BRAIN AND BLEW MY FUCKING MIND
Friday, January 19, 2007
WHO ARE YOU?!?!
Today has been a very sad day. While you were flipping out over whether Stephen Colbert is French or Irish, this blog piece of shit went completely out of its gord and deleted like everything I ever wrote. Also, Montell Williams doesn't want Notebook Girls on the show, apparently because they found some "real" celebrities or whatever. Anyway, here's some stuff for you (me).
A few of my favorite things: dead guys and popcorn
Orville Redenbacher brought back from the dead to be in an ad by the use of a stand-in and special effects. If only they could use something similar to revive celebrities’ careers. Who would you like to see make a comeback? My pick is making the band two’s Chompers.
In other tales from the crypt…
James Brown still isn’t buried, and he’s being kept in some freaky temperature controlled room. Between this and Orvie Redz, zombie queens must be over the moon.
Some of my favorite things:
toast, eating toast, vaguely phallic objects that make toast.
Gov guide to destroying these old costumes
If only we could use these tips on our boyfriends' clothes, am I right girls, am I right?
I am so alone right now.
A few of my favorite things: dead guys and popcorn
Orville Redenbacher brought back from the dead to be in an ad by the use of a stand-in and special effects. If only they could use something similar to revive celebrities’ careers. Who would you like to see make a comeback? My pick is making the band two’s Chompers.
In other tales from the crypt…
James Brown still isn’t buried, and he’s being kept in some freaky temperature controlled room. Between this and Orvie Redz, zombie queens must be over the moon.
Some of my favorite things:
toast, eating toast, vaguely phallic objects that make toast.
Gov guide to destroying these old costumes
If only we could use these tips on our boyfriends' clothes, am I right girls, am I right?
I am so alone right now.
Daily Dose of Sick Nasty
I believe John Winthrop put it best when he wrote, “as wee embark on this journey, I know in my heart that there doth exist nothing that posesseth more beauty and grace than the mothafuckin All Blacks set to some sweet ACDC.” And he was right.
My boobs are a disability
While Jessica Simpson was complaining about her fabulous rack, and the female population of the universe was letting out a collective "boo freakedy hoo" and playing the world's tiniest violin, I was...not doing much of anything, really. Here is the product of that.
Kid gets tasered in hat-related scuffle
“It means more than just a hat,” he said. “It’s like my crown. It’s like asking a king to remove his crown.”
A man gets tasered for not taking off his hat, and HE’S the one facing jail time? Whaaaaa!?!?
Civil liberties aside, let’s discuss this for one second. Your baseball hat…and a crown. See, this is the problem with so many 20 year old boys (I know I said "man" before, but let's be real), among many things (ZING!). It’s a fucking baseball hat, possibly the most unsophisticated thing you could wear, aside from a T-shirt you got after sending in enough Camel Cash. Let us not confuse it with a crown, that would imply both power and a lot of jewels.
My Job Cares!!
This is where I work, and they were so nice to link to my blog. Check out their stuff, which has better writing, graphics, and news than this piece of crap. On second thought, don’t go there. Stay here. Please.
Mary Kate Olsen wears this Scottish toga thing
MK, Dollface, I’m going to skip over your hair and get down to what really needs to be talked about. I get it, I really do. You hooked up with some cute guy last night, and you want the whole world/campus to know about it, maybe even including that complete dick who you want nothing more than to see you looking fabulous and obviously and totally over him. But wrapping his sheets around your body for the walk of shame in that “oh this old thing? Tee hee hee! I had nothing to wear so I had to put on his bed-clothes” is neither good-looking nor tasteful. Plus, note that I said bed clothes. Not people clothes.
Posh looking for schools for her kids in LA
So PoshNBecks are relocating to America and I couldn’t be happier. Everything about them is unapologetically trashy. I love that you’d think he’d have this really deep, manly voice, but he actually speaks like a child chimney sweep. And Posh doesn’t give a fuck, she just walks around like a fake-boobied zombie, all “yeah, but you know you actually do want to look like me, plus check out these diamonds.” Which is true.
Kid gets tasered in hat-related scuffle
“It means more than just a hat,” he said. “It’s like my crown. It’s like asking a king to remove his crown.”
A man gets tasered for not taking off his hat, and HE’S the one facing jail time? Whaaaaa!?!?
Civil liberties aside, let’s discuss this for one second. Your baseball hat…and a crown. See, this is the problem with so many 20 year old boys (I know I said "man" before, but let's be real), among many things (ZING!). It’s a fucking baseball hat, possibly the most unsophisticated thing you could wear, aside from a T-shirt you got after sending in enough Camel Cash. Let us not confuse it with a crown, that would imply both power and a lot of jewels.
My Job Cares!!
This is where I work, and they were so nice to link to my blog. Check out their stuff, which has better writing, graphics, and news than this piece of crap. On second thought, don’t go there. Stay here. Please.
Mary Kate Olsen wears this Scottish toga thing
MK, Dollface, I’m going to skip over your hair and get down to what really needs to be talked about. I get it, I really do. You hooked up with some cute guy last night, and you want the whole world/campus to know about it, maybe even including that complete dick who you want nothing more than to see you looking fabulous and obviously and totally over him. But wrapping his sheets around your body for the walk of shame in that “oh this old thing? Tee hee hee! I had nothing to wear so I had to put on his bed-clothes” is neither good-looking nor tasteful. Plus, note that I said bed clothes. Not people clothes.
Posh looking for schools for her kids in LA
So PoshNBecks are relocating to America and I couldn’t be happier. Everything about them is unapologetically trashy. I love that you’d think he’d have this really deep, manly voice, but he actually speaks like a child chimney sweep. And Posh doesn’t give a fuck, she just walks around like a fake-boobied zombie, all “yeah, but you know you actually do want to look like me, plus check out these diamonds.” Which is true.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
Somewhere midway between Gossip Girls and War and Peace...
Is The Notebook Girls, as a noted literary scholar (read: me) once pointed out. Lindsey and I are about to go speak at the 92nd street Y (aka NBG at the 92Y for the kids), so I wanted to give you all (read: me) something to play with real quick before I leave.
Guy makes meatballs out of his liposuctioned fat.
First of all, gross.
Second of all, gross, def, vomz, maybe, but think about this—this could be like the boca-burgers of the future, because they wouldn't be meat of dead cowzie-wowzies. These would actually be real meat and maybe not taste like week old laundry.
But mainly, EATING the fat he just paid thousands of dollars to havesucked out of his ass by a tube? Are you fucking KIDDING?!
The Most Hilarious Shit of All Time.
50 million records?
Every dancing award ever?
The bitch is wasted and I love it!
Note: So a few entries ago, I might have mentioned my behavior at the CEO’s and Secretary Ho's party (read: every party at Wesleyan. I don’t know why, but something about the magical combination of everclear and “wanna see what a senior dorm room looks like?” always gets me into zany adventures!). If you watch this video of Paula Abdul wickidy-wasted on tv, you have some sort of idea of what that magical night was like.
TR Knight on Ellen
So Isiah Washington keeps trying to deny that he called TR Knight the F-Bomb, but in doing so, he just says it again! At the Golden Globes, aka the Goldie-G's, he was all "I did not call him a FAGGOT." Seriously. That is not a good way to defend yourself. As a lawyer, I would know.
Britney Spears went out for burgers with her friends and they took pictures of eachother.
So? My friends and I do this shit all the time, it's called Summerfields Late Night. Why is this news?
Guy makes meatballs out of his liposuctioned fat.
First of all, gross.
Second of all, gross, def, vomz, maybe, but think about this—this could be like the boca-burgers of the future, because they wouldn't be meat of dead cowzie-wowzies. These would actually be real meat and maybe not taste like week old laundry.
But mainly, EATING the fat he just paid thousands of dollars to havesucked out of his ass by a tube? Are you fucking KIDDING?!
The Most Hilarious Shit of All Time.
50 million records?
Every dancing award ever?
The bitch is wasted and I love it!
Note: So a few entries ago, I might have mentioned my behavior at the CEO’s and Secretary Ho's party (read: every party at Wesleyan. I don’t know why, but something about the magical combination of everclear and “wanna see what a senior dorm room looks like?” always gets me into zany adventures!). If you watch this video of Paula Abdul wickidy-wasted on tv, you have some sort of idea of what that magical night was like.
TR Knight on Ellen
So Isiah Washington keeps trying to deny that he called TR Knight the F-Bomb, but in doing so, he just says it again! At the Golden Globes, aka the Goldie-G's, he was all "I did not call him a FAGGOT." Seriously. That is not a good way to defend yourself. As a lawyer, I would know.
Britney Spears went out for burgers with her friends and they took pictures of eachother.
So? My friends and I do this shit all the time, it's called Summerfields Late Night. Why is this news?
Daily Dose of Sick Nasty
In the words of James, "when i saw this video, I wanted to go outside and beat the shit out of someone." In a good way though. You know?
Juggling’s just my entertainment, it’s not my LIFE.
While you all were watching American Idol and laughing at Paula Abdul’s interviews (my favorite Best Week Ever commentator joke so far—Nick Kroll doing his impression of Paula, all “I won ever single award ever!! Ughgj…I even won the puking in my mouth while dancing award…ughhh just won it again…” Maybe you had to be there.), I was finding some shit to put on this shit. Sick nasty, girls next door, omgzz, bla bla bla.
Holly’s (and my!!!!) dream come true!!!
Alright, as you may or may not know, I LOVE the show The Girls Next Door, like almost as much as I love Popeye’s and Pale Fire (hint hint boys—date night). If you don’t know the girls well, Kendra’s the sporty hip-hop loving one, Holly’s sort of the big sister/mom of the group, and Bridget is mildly re-re-ricardo and can’t shut up about her cat and the intricate ins and outs of its complex personality (Gizmo was really upset that I was away in Vegas for so long, but once I came home I made sure to cuddle her…). On the show, Holly talks a lot about hoping to settle down with Hef soon (blab la bla Hef is Old joke) WITHOUT him having other girls around (if you watch closely, you can see her face twitch with anger when she says stuff like this, but she represses it by smiling brightly, pushing her cleavage together, and petting a cockatoo). Well her dream might be coming true, and I am so happy.
"She certainly has my heart, so maybe she'll have my sperm too!" She’s going to get BOTH?!!?! Some girls get all the luck. I can only imagine a Christmas that glorious. Hint hint youtube posters, I smell a sperm in a box video...
Note: In the above dream, my dream is to watch holly and hef’s child grow old on national television, not to be the person who has the child with hef. That’s one of the ways Holly and I differ. Also, she’s in a polygamous relationship with an 80 year old man.
Holly’s (and my!!!!) dream come true!!!
Alright, as you may or may not know, I LOVE the show The Girls Next Door, like almost as much as I love Popeye’s and Pale Fire (hint hint boys—date night). If you don’t know the girls well, Kendra’s the sporty hip-hop loving one, Holly’s sort of the big sister/mom of the group, and Bridget is mildly re-re-ricardo and can’t shut up about her cat and the intricate ins and outs of its complex personality (Gizmo was really upset that I was away in Vegas for so long, but once I came home I made sure to cuddle her…). On the show, Holly talks a lot about hoping to settle down with Hef soon (blab la bla Hef is Old joke) WITHOUT him having other girls around (if you watch closely, you can see her face twitch with anger when she says stuff like this, but she represses it by smiling brightly, pushing her cleavage together, and petting a cockatoo). Well her dream might be coming true, and I am so happy.
"She certainly has my heart, so maybe she'll have my sperm too!" She’s going to get BOTH?!!?! Some girls get all the luck. I can only imagine a Christmas that glorious. Hint hint youtube posters, I smell a sperm in a box video...
Note: In the above dream, my dream is to watch holly and hef’s child grow old on national television, not to be the person who has the child with hef. That’s one of the ways Holly and I differ. Also, she’s in a polygamous relationship with an 80 year old man.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Daily Dose of Sick Nasty
All Blacks
Not only does their wing show complete and utter domination, but their kicker makes it in. Bonus for the ladies/gays--the kicker is really cute (cayute).
Not only does their wing show complete and utter domination, but their kicker makes it in. Bonus for the ladies/gays--the kicker is really cute (cayute).
She Ran into my Cell Phone. She Ran into My Cell Phone Nine Times.
While Naomi Campbell was getting all cellblock/catwalk tango on us, I was finding supersweet stuff to show you all. Supersweet being a technical term for that which is awesome/incredibly real.
Scientist makes formula to explain procrastination.
I can’t believe my ex boyfriend gets a mathematical formula to explain why he writes his papers the night before they're due, but I don't get one to explain my behavior at Beta's CEO's and Secretary Ho's party (which, by the way, totally went along with the theme anyway so I don't see what everyone's problem is, especially since that guy...fuck it. Just fuck it.)
Is there anything rabbits can’t do?
They can fuck like themselves, and they can end world hunger. Insert Miss America joke here.
Travis and Shana back together.
I’m sorry. I really try, you know? I’m a hardworking intern just trying to make a good impression. I schedule people’s meetings, and I even went out in the cold to buy you guys fucking guitar hero 2 from Toys R Us. But right now, I cannot possibly give a shit about this. I’m sorry vh1, I really am. But apparently this is important news, so for those of you that do care, or just want to look at Shana’s picture to figure out how she does that smokey eye makeup thing that is so frustratingly impossible, here's the link.
Who said this about what, after an angry dispute?
“I would never ever react in that way. You guys know me, I’m a very classy person.”
OJ on not killing his wife?
Lindsay Lohan on decking Paris in the face?
My parents (bonus points if you can guess which one!) in family court circa 199--I've said too much. Just guess something.
Scientist makes formula to explain procrastination.
I can’t believe my ex boyfriend gets a mathematical formula to explain why he writes his papers the night before they're due, but I don't get one to explain my behavior at Beta's CEO's and Secretary Ho's party (which, by the way, totally went along with the theme anyway so I don't see what everyone's problem is, especially since that guy...fuck it. Just fuck it.)
Is there anything rabbits can’t do?
They can fuck like themselves, and they can end world hunger. Insert Miss America joke here.
Travis and Shana back together.
I’m sorry. I really try, you know? I’m a hardworking intern just trying to make a good impression. I schedule people’s meetings, and I even went out in the cold to buy you guys fucking guitar hero 2 from Toys R Us. But right now, I cannot possibly give a shit about this. I’m sorry vh1, I really am. But apparently this is important news, so for those of you that do care, or just want to look at Shana’s picture to figure out how she does that smokey eye makeup thing that is so frustratingly impossible, here's the link.
Who said this about what, after an angry dispute?
“I would never ever react in that way. You guys know me, I’m a very classy person.”
OJ on not killing his wife?
Lindsay Lohan on decking Paris in the face?
My parents (bonus points if you can guess which one!) in family court circa 199--I've said too much. Just guess something.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Putting your boyfriends to shame, one Viagra fueled boner at a time.
Or, How Kendra Met Hef.
Sorry, I love you Kendra and The Girls Next Door is like my favorite show. Every time I turn on the tv, I switch to E! and cross my fingers whispering “girls next door girls next door,” and because it’s usually a toss-up between that and some shit featuring tacky E! reporters groveling at the feet of celebrities, I’m not usually disappointed.
“I first met Hef while I was being body-painted for his 78th birthday party. Before our first date, Hef asked me to move in and live as one of his girlfriends.”
Everything about this is a hilarious hilarious joke. Body painted? 78th? BEFORE the first date? I can’t really complain though. I met my last boyfriend at a rugby party, where I watched guys funnel beer and sing “there’s a lady in red and she likes to give me head/ there’s a lady in blue and she likes it in the poo.”
Sorry, I love you Kendra and The Girls Next Door is like my favorite show. Every time I turn on the tv, I switch to E! and cross my fingers whispering “girls next door girls next door,” and because it’s usually a toss-up between that and some shit featuring tacky E! reporters groveling at the feet of celebrities, I’m not usually disappointed.
“I first met Hef while I was being body-painted for his 78th birthday party. Before our first date, Hef asked me to move in and live as one of his girlfriends.”
Everything about this is a hilarious hilarious joke. Body painted? 78th? BEFORE the first date? I can’t really complain though. I met my last boyfriend at a rugby party, where I watched guys funnel beer and sing “there’s a lady in red and she likes to give me head/ there’s a lady in blue and she likes it in the poo.”
Finally, a place for the jokes my job won't take
Fuck you VH1. Seriously, just fuck you.
JKz!!!!!! Love yall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
OH MY GOD THE MOTHAFUCKIN HAKA
Alright, this is the greatest team in the entire world, the All Blacks, being completely fucking sick nasty as usual. Watch as the other team doesn’t know whether to cry with fear or laugh at the gayest thing they’ve ever seen (considering this is a sport where you play in little shorts and stick your head in an ass, that is really gay).
Mary Kate Reduced to an Extra
So Mary Kate Olsen was going to be in a movie, with a real part and everything, but then they cut out all her scenes and now she's just in the corner of one scene.
And yet, somehow, life goes on.
A few of my favorite things
Whiskers on kittens and tripping on acid
JKz!!!!!! Love yall!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
OH MY GOD THE MOTHAFUCKIN HAKA
Alright, this is the greatest team in the entire world, the All Blacks, being completely fucking sick nasty as usual. Watch as the other team doesn’t know whether to cry with fear or laugh at the gayest thing they’ve ever seen (considering this is a sport where you play in little shorts and stick your head in an ass, that is really gay).
Mary Kate Reduced to an Extra
So Mary Kate Olsen was going to be in a movie, with a real part and everything, but then they cut out all her scenes and now she's just in the corner of one scene.
And yet, somehow, life goes on.
A few of my favorite things
Whiskers on kittens and tripping on acid
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